Why Does This Relationship Feel So Difficult?
Therapy for Healing From Narcissistic Abuse
Am I In A Relationship With A Narcissist?
Is there someone in your life, maybe a parent, boss, friend, or partner, who is critical, lacks empathy, and consistently makes things about them? Who leaves you questioning yourself and reacts with anger or defensiveness when you offer honest feedback? Who expects special treatment while dismissing or mocking your needs and feelings? Do they build you up—only to later criticize, belittle, or tear you down? Do you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, trying to get it “right” and please them to avoid conflict?
Not all relationships that feel difficult or one-sided involve a narcissist and not all people who act in a way that seems selfish or cruel are narcissists. There are many reasons a relationship can feel unsatisfying or one-sided including communication challenges, cultural or gender expectations, attachment styles, and differences in how people think and process emotions.
Why Does it Matter?
The difference is important because it affects how we approach the solution.
Have you ever felt frustrated, helpless, or even hopeless because telling someone that they hurt you and trying to talk through things with them did not improve things or lead to meaningful change? Instead your efforts left you feeling manipulated, hurt, and wondering “Am I overreacting? Am I the problem?
Narcissistic traits include a sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, and an inability to take responsibility. Interacting with someone who exhibits these traits requires a different set of tools in order to be successful. Strategies we might normally use - expressing hurt or offering constructive feedback is not effective.
Well-meaning friends and loved ones may give advice about forgiveness, sharing your feelings, and communicating with the person you are struggling with. While these are excellent strategies for many relationships, they are likely to be harmful and counterproductive if narcissistic abuse exists as a dynamic.
Should I Stay or Should I go?
It can be confusing and difficult to figure out whether or not you want to leave a relationship. Maybe you’re asking “Can this get better? and not sure what changes are possible. If you do decide to leave and narcissistic abuse is a part of the relationship it can be challenging to find a safe way to leave. Retaliation - you may be given the silent treatment, bad mouthed to others or raged at - is a realistic possibility.
With any type of one-sided relationship, you may find yourself in a codependent or caregiving role. Do you find yourself covering for them or making excuses for their poor behavior? Are you spending a lot of time feeling anxious or concerned about how they might react to the things you do and say? Along with fear of retaliation, feeling needed or feeling responsible for taking care of this person could be part of your motivation for staying in the relationship. It may be a role you have taken on in the past in order to survive painful situations and one you are familiar with and very good at, but no longer serves you.
How Can Therapy Help?
Together, we can explore why you may be experiencing one or more difficult or one-sided relationships and determine if narcissistic dynamics are part of the picture. We’ll work to untangle what’s happening, reconnect you with your own clarity and instincts, and develop tools to help you feel more grounded, empowered, and supported in your relationships.
“When we are targeted by a narcissist we want to know why! Why me? What did I do to attract this person or encourage them to treat me this way. Though it may sound simple and cliche - It is not your fault!"
-Ruth
What we work on together:
Making sense of one-sided relationship patterns and whether narcissistic dynamics are present
Gaining insight into how these experiences have impacted you, and clarifying what you want moving forward
Reconnecting with your own needs, voice, and sense of self
Moving toward healing, clarity, and more balanced relationships
Frequently Asked Questions
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If you grew up in a home where love felt conditional, where you had to earn affection, or where your worth was tied to your performance or image, you may have developed a pattern of overfunctioning in order to survive. In adulthood, you may experience narcissistic relationships -with bosses partners and friends. Charismatic, dependent, or emotionally immature people are often drawn to someone who is highly capable and self-sufficient. They sense that you'll pick up the slack. Taking care of someone else can feel familiar, even comforting. It can masquerade as love. A therapist who specializes in codependency and narcissistic relationships can help you understand underlying belief systems driving patterns that no longer serve you and begin to shift them.
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Many people in narcissistic relationships describe feeling exhausted over time. They have a sense that they are doing all of the emotional labor, all of the planning, or all of the caretaking, while their partner doesn’t reciprocate. You may notice that conversations consistently center on your partner's needs, feelings, or problems. You may feel like you're walking on eggshells or managing their reactions before they happen. Some people say that they stay because they fear what leaving will look like. Or because their identity has become so wrapped up in being the "strong one" in the relationship that stepping back feels terrifying. If the relationship feels more like you have a dependent than a partner, that is a significant signal worth exploring in therapy.
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How do you feel after spending time with this person? Do you leave conversations feeling smaller, more confused, or somehow at fault? Do you find yourself rehearsing what you'll say in advance, bracing for unpredictable reactions?
The word "narcissist" has become so widely used. Truly understanding its meaning and the implications it has in relationships can make all the difference in healing. I can help clarify if the relationship dynamic you are in is causing you harm and support you whether you decide to work on the relationship or leave it.
Therapy is a good place to untangle these things. We’ll talk about how you can manage your reactions and beliefs and start trusting your own read on things again.
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The early part of a narcissistic relationship can sometimes involve “love bombing” making it seem as though its genuinely good. Intense attention, a partner who seems captivated by you, or someone who makes you feel chosen can feel amazing. Trying to recapture this feeling once things have shifted can be one reason to want to stay.
Another reason why leaving is so difficult is due to the emotional abuse that takes place in relationships with a narcissist. Strategies such as gaslighting, projecting and other toxic, controlling behaviors can leave you feeling fearful and/or at fault for the problems in the relationship.
Some clients walk into therapy exhausted, confused, or wondering why they feel so bad in a relationship they've worked so hard to maintain. Recognizing what's actually happening helps clarify what is going on, what your goals are and what the next steps will be.
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Both are real concerns and both are worth asking out loud.
Some people arrive ready to go deep from the first session. Others need more time to feel safe before they can get into harder experiences. Neither is wrong, and my job is to read where you are, not pull you somewhere you're not ready to go.
If something feels like too much in a session, you can say so. Part of the work over time is learning to notice when you're getting overwhelmed and when it's okay to push a little further. That awareness is actually a skill, and it develops gradually.
As for feeling like nothing is happening, that's a common experience early on, especially for people who are used to being efficient and productive. It can feel slow even when a lot is building beneath the surface. If the pace feels off, please say something. I would rather hear it directly than have you sit with the frustration for months.
Ruth Weinberg provides therapy in person in Denver, and via telehealth throughout Colorado and South Carolina.
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IFS stands for Internal Family Systems. It's a therapy approach developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, built on the idea that we're not one unified thing. We have different parts of ourselves, and those parts sometimes want very different things. For example: the part that shuts down under pressure, or the part that pushes people away, or the part that says "I'm fine" even when nothing is.
Most therapy tries to change these parts or argue you out of them. IFS works differently. The goal is to get curious about each part, understand what it's been trying to protect, and help it trust that you can handle things differently now.
Ruth Weinberg has completed the IFS Online Circle through the IFS Institute and continues training through the annual continuity program. In sessions, she uses IFS on its own or alongside other modalities, depending on the person and what fits.